Friend Me

some people make friends easily. i dont
i always envy people who make friends or have the guts to just talk to people. i used to think it was a skill, but somehow i realized that it wasnt really a skill. i just have a lot of baggage.

i think it stems from the fact that im not a big fan of rejection, plus the knowledge that i can be quite insensitive and acerbic. so when meeting new people, i usually just shut up and observe first how to join the conversation. i try to see first just how much of me they can take and temper my personality for them.

much as i tell myself that people's judgment dont bother me, i found out that actually it does. thats why id rather keep my thoughts to myself or temper them according to who im speaking to. then again the act of tempering thoughts according to what i think of them is also a judgment. who knew making friends can be so judgmental?