birkin

a friend of mine recently returned from the States and brought home about a dozen bags, which she is now selling to her friends and officemates. she has a couple of Coaches, a few Guccis, a Balenciaga here and there, a number of Pradas; but her show stopper (and she's keeping it for herself) was a Birkin. Yup, a real Hermes Birkin.

wow.

while our eyes were glued to the bag, she tells us that it was a real blessing, as she has waited for a long time for it. yup, she was on the wait list. tactlessly as only true friends can do so, we asked how much she paid for the designer bag. it took some coaxing for us to get a number out of her...no less than ten thousand...US dollars. that plus the fact that when you look for the price of the Birkin on ebay, we surmised, she paid no less than half a million pesos for the bag.

realistically, my friend looked the same. she didnt get anything done on her since we last saw her. but to our eyes, she looked more beautiful, her step had a little bit more lift, her smile was bit more sweet. all because of the birkin.

different day, different friends--nightcap with some gay friends, a mix of 20somethings and the thiryish. the conversation inadvertently went to paid sex, and transactional relationships. the twenties said that they couldn't get the concept of transactional relationships as they thought sex was easily had. not to mention that one who indulges in such would know that love wasnt what it was in such relationships, it was a commodity that was co-terminus with the payments. they thought of the act so lowly and even went as far as saying that they would never engage in such. i simply smiled.

honestly, i felt exactly the same way when i was in my 20s and didnt earn enough to buy me some carnal lovin'. ten years later, im earning enough although im still young enough to get by on my looks. now, i get why transactional relationships happen and the pleasures that come with it. the thing with transactions is that it isnt just about the obvious. there are a lot of things bought in such a transaction.

yes, transactions are transactions, but it isnt simply about buying sex or buying love. when ive had my share of transactions, i felt that what i actually bought was power. the pleasure that i derived was not based on the sex. it was based on the fact that it made me feel that i have the upper hand. it was a power trip--and a damn good one! they would start texting, magpapa-cute, and all that..yes i know that it was about the money, but as long as I had it, they were all on my feet. how's that for making one feel good.

i remember during my 20s, i looked at some gay men with outrageously good looking men with a tinge of pity. ive always thought that they go through it because they couldnt get men on their own merits. now wiser and older, i think they are getting a good deal. it's a far simpler way to get some. no more gym, no more facials, no more picking out the right outfit, no more emotional investments, no more first date craps, no more getting to know bullshit. money, sex, and it's done.

and what if the guy you're seeing finds a richer benefactor? don't worry, there's a loooong line of men willing to undress and go to bed with gays who are willing to pay. hell, there are even some so-called bi-men whose services can be had for a price.

and the best thing about money? it never gets old even if it does get old, never goes out of style, and always accepted. i couldnt say that about the 20 year olds.

as for the prying, judgemental eyes, inggit lang sila. fact is, who doesnt want to have a gorgeous guy at his beck and call? and if you could afford it--and i mean if you really have that much DISPOSABLE income, why not? at my age and salary, ive realized that the judgement does not come from idealism or naivete. it comes from not knowing how it is to have that much money...at a disposal.

the truth is, having one in your arms makes you stand up a bit more confident, smile a bit wider, with a bit more lift in your step. and by the looks and feel of it; honey, it's worth being on the waitlist.

**image from desiremall.com

manibalang

mom recently came over and told me the latest in the family as well with the province. i asked if lansones were already in season. she tells me that there were a few stalls already selling the seasonal fruit--however, she says that she didnt bring me any because they were still manibalang (too young) and didnt taste right yet.

i guess there are just some things in life that cant be rushed. sometimes, it really takes time for the right sweetness to develop. and yes, while it can be forced to sweetness, you know that it will not be right--there will be bitterness and an artificial sweetness that cuts the throat yet never satisfies the craving.

yesterday i saw an old friend, i had a crush on him for the longest. he was dark, handsome, intelligent and sensible. then again, he has always treated me like a kid brother. i was just a naive gay guy to the experienced him.

but this meeting was different, somehow i got a vibe that he saw me differently this time. after all it's been alost two years since i last saw him. something told me that this time he saw me as a grown-up; a grown man who could talk to him, be his equal, go to bed with him. too bad the air of friendship was hanging between our faces.

so what has changed for me to get this kind of attention now? is it just the years? i think im still the same me since we last met. there had been no major life changing paradigm shifts in the past two years for me to change. as for the looks, i know it wasnt excatly the best of days. so what could it be?

maybe it's simply just life taking its course with me :)